online therapy

Walking above your shadows

Who you were who you are and who you’re going to be are three different personas.

And one thing everyone has to master if he wants to move on in life is to rise above his/her past self which is embedded in his subconscious aka his/her shadow.

Therefore, the name walk above your shadow.

Feeding the wolf

It´s scary to look within, it´s difficult to embrace what shadows have been lurking on the inside for far too long and it´s necessary.

As in the old native American story about the two wolves, one is dark one is light,

Which one wins at the end the one your feed.

autumn wolves

Which wolf are you feeding? Which one is growing and which one is starving?

Or let me put it like this

what behavior, what thoughts, what unwelcome guests are you continually letting in?

Is your kid with the wrong crowd? Is your better half disrespecting or ignoring yours?

Do you have to fight for their attention all the time?

Are you doing your best at avoiding confrontations, not wanting to rattle the boat?

First, this is not some motivational hype speech, your don,t need motivation.

From my perspective its the same as nitro in a racing game, and with that nitro, you can either use it as an advantage or waste it by flying off the tracks or ramming a wall.

Now and then perhaps, but not all the time, otherwise you may use it as an escape mechanism aka an excuse.

The word here is consistency, and feeding the wolf means one thing and that is feeding, nurturing and growing a one or multiple behavioral habits, skills, etc.

Are you constantly beating yourself over a loss or a disappointment?

Or are you doing something each day ie. learning a new language, perfecting your communication or attitude?

Of the two examples above who do you think will be at the higher ground after a year, after 365 days?

Who will benefit more after a month or just a week?

Feeding the wolf is making a choice, but that alone is not enough.

Intention matters as well…

Intensions or pretensions

Intensions are the root, the cornerstone and the backbone in your actions, decisions, and plans.

Basically your character.

the only way forward

They are in everything we do and sometimes we are not even aware of them.

Or in some cases do not want to be aware, Regardless of understanding them may give one more resolution to deal with a certain issue, plan, jobs even relationships.

The newer word for them might be YOUR WHY.

We could do the same work right now but get different results because of them.

Let us say a guy whos been friends with a girl for a while suddenly has an emotional outburst confessing his undying love or something like that what we can see in tons of teen movies, and in the movies that nice guy gets the girl in the end.

In real life, that is not the case.

And it is not a good way to go. Let`s say the typical nice guy operates from a state of fear, of not being enough, low self-esteem, etc.

And then when he meets someone he likes he may take the “friend” approach because of fear of getting rejected.

What is the intention here? Well one of them may be to have her stay, not because of love but because of fear of being alone, of own insecurities, etc.

This “Nice guy Syndrome” goes both ways and Dr. Robert Glover goes into more detail about this in his book “No more Mr.Nice guy”.On the definition and the solution to it.

Another example would be the resentment the office worker faces when treated poorly by his peers.

Where on one hand he needs the job, has children to take care of and is willing to put up with everything just to make sure the little ones get something to eat and a chance for a better education, for a better life.

On the other hand, imagine the same situation just this time the worker is focused more on himself than on the child.

He/she works for stuff he/she doesn’t need for people who don’t like him/her because the selfish intentions are a priority, not the kid.

So we can see what kind of person was dealing with just by observing them.

As stated in Matthew 7:16 King James Version (KJV)

“Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns or figs of thistles?”

and in Matthew 7:18

” A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.”

Guard your attention

Humans are more complex than plants of course.

We can choose however what our “fruits” will be, where attention goes

energy also flows.

Maybe you have heard that your thoughts from your actions which form your habits and your habits will form your destiny.

What starts in the thought process with consistency and repetition WILL come true just as a seed becomes a tree.

Here attention comes in play. One of the most primary resources alongside time.

If misleading it can cost you dearly. Hanging out with a few “buddies” who just want a drink, two, ten or a favor from your while giving nothing in return, Consulting or comforting someone who you’re interested in when they had a fight with their lover and will eventually return to them, supporting a business partner who offers the same empty promises for months.

street sign possible

You could be sitting next to a pot of gold but you wouldn´t see it because you’re focused on your empty wallet.

This can be explained through the Reticular Activating System or RAS for short.

It is a bunch of nerves in our brain that filters unnecessary information so that the important ones come through.

It is why you hear your favorite song through a crowd of people when you really want a car and then start noticing it everywhere when you miss someone with all your heart and start seeing them everywhere.

Depending on your perspective aka beliefs RAS seeks out the information to validate them.

And as the subconscious RAS can be trained by “setting your intent” as some people call it, which is basically linking your subconscious thoughts to the conscious ones.

And as such, it can be viewed as a tool for growth.

If you care about love and kindness you will start seeing more of it because that is in your belief system and RAS has no other choice but to comply.

For this, it is vital to whom or what we give our attention, our time to. As I mentioned in the last post the more you hang around a depressed or deceitful person you will subconsciously form the same behavior they have.

Into the light

By “light” here I am talking about truth aka facing your current condition as it is. Something is better left alone, some people need to be let go and some paths are better not to be walked on.

What “shadows” or what flaws you may have a need to be addressed in the first place and then with or without support one has to go that mile.

In order to get rid off the disease, you need to acknowledge it not run from it.

No hacks or simple solutions are of much use if the ground is soiled with chemicals so will the fruit be.

It will still look good on the outside but the inside will be infested.

To cleanse it first you must cleanse the ground from which it grows.

To get rid of the issue in your business, in your relationship or in your friendships you have to acknowledge it, accept that it is there and if it is stuck for some reason learn to walk with it. Eventually, it will go away and something else will take its place, quit and it will be even harder to remove.

It’s an hourly, daily, monthly even yearly walk but it is one you have to and only you can make.

into the light

Last thoughts

This one has been on my mind for a while and honestly, a part of me didn’t want to say it but I have my reasons for doing so.

Character is a slow-grow process but it’s a rewarding one too. And I can’t say it out of the woods myself yet now I know I’m walking towards someplace better.

Well, this turned out to be longer than expected but I hope you liked it.

If you have any thoughts on the article please share them below.

Till next time

12 thoughts on “Walking above your shadows”

  1. SeunJeremiah says:

    This is quite an inspirational article, it got me thinking throughout reading this,  I had a quiet time to search within truthfully if I was actually feeding the right shadow and honestly I figured I had alot of changes to make and it’s all thanks to this article, I’m so lucky I came across this.  Thanks 

    1. Dario Kalizan says:

      Glad you liked it Seun. It is difficult sometimes to keep track of the “rootwork” in ourselves but it is a must.

  2. Michael Gore says:

    I agree with a lot here.

    I find that my character is constantly changing. Perhaps evolving is a better term to use.

    I am always trying to improve myself, but find that I lack action where it matters most.

    Yes, I can put my self into my work, but a side of my character the underlies most of the things that I do unconsciously aims for unrealistic goals and it is holding me back.

    As Jung stated, “Until you make the unconscious, conscious, it will guide your life, and you will call it fate”.

    Although, since coming to this self-aware epiphany and setting goals for my self that I know I can achieve, I have noticed a large increase in my synchronicity with Angel Numbers.

    I am seeing my personal numbers and sequences (11:11, 23, 33, 13) on a far greater scale than before; a true sign that I am on the right path.

    Thanks for your insights, I find your article very interesting indeed.


    1. Dario Kalizan says:

      Thank you, Michael.

      As for the numbers and sequences, the same here mate.

      I also agree with Jung’s statement as well.

      The psychologist Jordan Peterson talks about him as well in his work and book, its actually where I got the “spark”, the idea for this article everything else came from itself. Glad you liked it

  3. RoDarrick says:

    Wow! This is rather a very sensitive discourse you have expatiated on. The ability to break the barrier and walk above the shadow which I call limitation is rare. I like the part of intention or pretentious the most. Sometimes, we take some decision as a result of influence of fear on us. The example of the guy you gave is just like me and I just couldn’t summon the courage to go for the girl I want till I watched her getting married while I am her best friend. I will bookmark this post so I can read it again. Thanks

    1. Dario Kalizan says:

      I’m glad this article was helpful to you. The article was always the but it is after some books, audiobooks and youtube vids i “found” the words to describe it. I´ll continue to do my best here mate, have a good day.

  4. Delia says:

    Hey Dario!
    I think you did a wonderful job on your article! This a very touchy subject. Only because you speak on a truth that all of us deal with but most of us do not want to face.

    I think its’s super awesome that you included bible verses to back up what you were saying.

    Never be afraid to share your faith


    Miss D

    1. Dario Kalizan says:

      Really? Thanks. I didn´t want to face my own truth either at one point but some things have changed. Thanks again Miss D, I wish you a nice day.

  5. Jackson kenny says:

    This is a good post, very inspirational. I find it really touching because I fight with myself sometimes and it’s really hard to deal with problems in my business, I run from it not acknowledge it and deal with it, now I’d deal with this issues by accepting first that there’s a problem. It’s not easy but I’ll do it. Thank you for inspiring me. I’ll share to get others inspired too.

    1. Dario Kalizan says:

      Thanks, Kenny.

      It`s a “one step at a time” process so don’t be too harsh on yourself.

      And do pay attention to your inner responses, till next time.

  6. Victor says:

    Hi, Dario just stopped by to read an article you published and wanted to tell you thanks.

    I am a little surprised at the fact you knew the story about the two wolfs fighting. This does prove that the internet is a wonderful place once you know where to look.

    Well, I am glad I came to visit and maybe you will find me later on another article.

    1. Dario Kalizan says:

      Sure no prob. Glad you liked the article mate.

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